Dark beer
This is a guest article by Jasmine.
The other night I was out at a brewpub with a large group of friends. After the waitress had delivered our beer, the guy sitting across from me offered his wife a sip of his beer.
“No way,” she said. “I don’t like dark beer.”
This was a woman who, until now, had shown good taste in beer, joyfully trying a new Belgian beer on tap. I wanted to stand on my chair and shout, “Really? ALL dark beers?”
Isn’t that like declaring you don’t like green food? No broccoli, beans, kiwifruit, or rosemary? You’ve tried every single green food in the world and declared it lacking? Somehow, I don’t believe you.
I understand dark beer can be scary. They appear heavy and hard to drink. There’s a chance that it’s bitter, at 
least to a degree, and a better chance that it has enough alcohol in it to knock you off your barstool.
But I have two words for you: coffee and chocolate. If you like either of those, there is a dark beer out there for you. Dark beer comes in as many styles as light beer, and can be even lighter tasting than some of their yellow counterparts.
Point in case: Lagunitas’ Cappuccino Stout. It has the same creamy taste and feel as a cappuccino, with just a hint of espresso bitterness. It pours black like coffee (yes, in this case there is actually coffee in it), but has that malty caramel smell and even nut and chocolate flavors in the taste. With 7.99% alcohol, it borders on knock-down strong.
But even that might be too bitter for some non-coffee drinkers (there are some of you left out there?). In that case, try Firestone-Walker’s Reserve Porter. It’s far sweeter, with a strong chocolate taste. I once made an ice cream float out of this (not kidding) and it was amazing. It really brought out the chocolate flavors, almost like chocolate syrup.
Then, of course, there is the classic: Guinness. If anyone tries to serve it to you warm, or knowingly tells you it SHOULD be warm, roll your eyes and walk away. Guinness only has around 200 calories a glass (an often-quoted figure recently, since that’s less than a Bud Light) for those who feel like dark beer is too heavy. A pint draught of Guinness averages only 4.2% alcohol, too, so you can drink it all night. It doesn’t have a lot of carbonation, giving it that smooth and creamy taste.
Of course, not all dark beers are like dessert. I’d caution the casual drinker against Bison Brewery’s Chocolate Stout. Fiercely bitter, like unsweetened baking chocolate, it’s hard to drink a lot of and hard to pair with food. They actually put cocoa powder right in the mash. If you’re the kind of person who takes your morning caffeine as a tiny cup of espresso instead of watery coffee, however, or if you get annoyed by all that wheaty-hoppy-honey junk, this could be your beer. It doesn’t mess around.
To find these favorite of mine, I had to try a lot of beer that didn’t work for me first. At the last Great American Beer Festival, for example, Moylan’s took home a gold medal for their Dry Irish Stout. When I tried it, I couldn’t even finish a tiny sampler glass. Far too bitter for me, it made me feel like the saliva in my mouth was being stripped away. But because of the medal, I assume it’s not the beer. Someone, actually many someones, out there must love it. This might lead me to declare that I don’t like Dry Irish Stouts, but I would never declare that. Not until I’ve tried every single one.
Jasmine is half of the writing team at Beer at Joe’s (RSS feed)
Read Hop Talk’s interview of Jasmine
